Crossdressing

WARNING: This topic may not be suitable for all audiences. Read at your own discretion.

Crossdressing is a "vacation" from our own normal lives to dress and live as someone opposite of our birth gender. Many people misconstrue crossdressing as a concept and what it actually entails. Crossdressing has its own appeal and charm to those who take part in crossdressing. The reasons for taking part in crossdressing vary- casual crossdressing, professional crossdressing, and yes- even for sexual pleasure. No matter what, it is a lifestyle and a culture that most people either disregard, disrespect, or misunderstand. In my attempts to try to better educate my audience and to provide something useful on crossdressing and crossdressers, I offer the Internet this blog post.

Before I Begin and a Special Hello...

If you are a crossdresser or know someone who crossdresses, and if you're viewing my blog post; I'd like to welcome you to "John's Blog Space!" I hope you can enjoy this blog post here as much as I've enjoyed working on it. This is a positive place online. I am not posting this just to get some laughs or draw a reaction. This is a factual post on crossdressing from multiple perspectives. The majority of this post relates to male-to-female crossdressers (M2F crossdressers), but there are also female-to-male crossdressers (F2M crossdressers).

I have certain goals I hope to accomplish with this blog post:
• factually discuss crossdressing/transvestism.
• gain a little more understanding of crossdressing/transvestism to better service my audience.
• (maybe) gain some respect among my LGBT readers, especially the "T" part for this post.
• (maybe) meet some loyal readers who may be among the LGBT community.

I am not a crossdresser, nor have I ever done so. I am basing all of my material on things I've learned on this topic through factual proof and research as well as personal commentary.

--- Crossdressing at a Glance ---

Those who have been on "John's Blog Space" before may have read some past posts of mine that touched up on transgenderism before. Many others have seen me make mention of males wearing feminine fashions. What you are about to read here is a proper post regarding crossdressing. Because I need to continually provide quality content for this blog and to re-direct my blog traffic to more relevant posts, I present to you my post regarding crossdressing.

What some people disregard is that there is a HUGE difference between transvestism (clinical term for crossdressing) and transsexualism. A transvestite (TV) or a crossdresser (CD) is someone who temporarily lives and dresses as a member of the gender opposite of his/her birth gender. A transvestite does not want to have surgery to permanently become the person's opposite gender. A transsexual has full surgery to permanently live as and become a member of the gender opposite of one's birth gender. Could a crossdresser/transvestite consider having surgery to permanently become a member of his/her opposite gender? Sure- especially if that person feels he/she was born in the wrong body.

Some people who engage in crossdressing will spend money towards buying great clothes to help unleash their inner person. Some others even go to the level of purchase certain items like wigs, hosiery, and even health supplements to help enhance themselves in becoming crossdressers. In addition to products, there are also certain techniques crossdressers use to help them transition better. I will not discuss those tactics in this blog post, but I will make a mention things like (for M2F crossdressers) tucking- which can be an integral part in M2F crossdressers wearing body-hugging or body-conscious clothing.

Reasons for Crossdressing.

I briefly mentioned reasons why others crossdress. Here is a brief look at each:

• There are those who casually wear clothing from the other gender, and there are those who crossdress for profession. A male may choose to wear feminine clothing and completely transform himself into another person. A man named Michael (for hypothetical purposes) may have a hidden person waiting to emerge named Michelle (again- hypothetical purposes).

• There are those who professionally crossdress. Female impersonators, drag queens, and even actors/actresses dress up as members of the opposite gender to play roles, compete in contests, and other purposes in making money.

• And so I don't forget, there are those who crossdress for sexual thrills. Some people are sexually aroused either wearing clothing from the opposite gender. Such people have fetishes wearing clothes from the other gender.


Regardless, crossdressing is a very risky lifestyle that has its own rewards for those who enjoy doing so.

A Past Experience.

I probably mentioned this in my blog, but there was one time back in 2007 when I became friends with a transvestite. One time after class at my community college, I noticed a male in a Men's bathroom who had beautiful long hair. I eventually got to know him a bit. He was a male named (I try to be VERY careful giving deep details) Darrell. While being the handsome Darrell, his transvestite alter ego is Brittney. I met "Brittney" one day around campus. I was friends with this person as he was having some problems. I let Darrell know that he could chat with me if he had issues. To this day, this person is the ONLY transvestite I've ever known in person.


That concludes this look at crossdressing/transvestism. Time to move on to other material.

--- Crossdressing Misconceptions ---

Everything in life has misconceptions. Crossdressing is no different. Each bullet features a certain misconception followed by my own commentary.


• "All crossdressers are gay."
So if a male casually puts on a skirt or a dress, he is automatically considered gay? Here's a fact- males who crossdress may be straight. They may be happily married men/women as well as proud parents. You can't automatically call someone gay just because they crossdress. Certain people are only gay if you think only gay people dress up in clothes most average or what "regular" people wouldn't wear.

• "Crossdresser? Transsexual? Same thing, right?"
Uh... NO! If you read the previous section, there is a HUGE difference between transvestism/crossdressing and transsexualism. The common factor is in living as and dressing up as a member of a sex opposite of our birth gender. The biggest difference is in the desire to PERMANENTLY become a member of our opposite gender. Transsexuals are permanent members of their opposite sex; transvestites/crossdressers are part-time members of their opposite sex.

• "Transvestite/Crossdresser = Intersexed."
Being intersexed is a completely different concept. Intersexed people have both male and female chromosomes and internals. It is COMPLETELY different from someone who crossdresses or has had surgery to become a member of one's opposite gender.

• Crossdressers are "freaks."
The only way they can be real freaks is if you think of them as monsters and not as people. Fact is- crossdressers are every bit of human beings as you and I. Maybe their lifestyle is different from the norm. There are people (for example) who indulge themselves in subcultures like Goth or punk. Are they "freaks" just because they live a lifestyle vastly different from everybody else? Well, neither are crossdressers.


These are some misconceptions I came up with. Can you think of any others?

--- Crossdressing and its Reasons ---

Here now is a look at crossdressing from various perspectives. Each section is complete with my own thoughts on each bit of crossdressing.

Crossdressing: Casual.

^ from: www.sexandgender.net (best I could find) - She may not be a real woman, but this guy surely enjoys being this girl on a part-time basis.

I will define a casual crossdresser as anyone who crossdresses for reasons other than profession or sexual thrills. I am talking about the person who lives as one person, but sometimes emerges as someone of his/her opposite gender. Someone who casually crossdresses has a tendency to want to be someone else. Remember my "Michael" example? You know, the hypothetical Michael who has a female alterego (also hypothetically) named Michelle?

Someone who casually crossdresses just enjoys going out as one's gender opposite of his/her birth gender. Such people enjoy the feeling and the joy of being that other person. A male-to-female crossdresser (or M2F crossdresser) would enjoy wearing feminine garments out and about. He feels a sort of empowerment and comfort being and dressed as a female. On the other end, a female-to-male crossdresser (or F2M crossdresser) enjoys living and acting as a male while wearing masculine clothes.

A casual crossdresser simply enjoys the thrill and joy of temporarily being someone of one's gender opposite of his/her birth gender. That person is confident in his/her dress and personality that he/she is actually able to pull off being a crossdresser.

Crossdressing: Profession.

^ from: thesun.co.uk (best I could find) - Drag queens are among the most famous of those who crossdress as a profession.

Acting roles, pageants, competitions, and more... I will define a professional crossdresser as someone who crossdresses for a profession and/or for money. The most common professional crossdressers are drag queens. Drag queens are beautiful women with immense glamour and charm... only they are not real women. They even give themselves interesting and unique stage names to set themselves apart from other drag queens. Drag queens wear all sorts of clothing and accessories, even including certain intimates and parts I can't mention here. Perhaps one of the most famous YouTube crossdressers is Jessica De Leon, better known as "JessicaWhoHD." Here is a sample of JessicaWhoHD:


^ "My YouTube Story Part I - Why I Make Videos"

Want more of Jessica? To visit Jessica De Leon's YouTube channel, visit JessicaWhoHD on YouTube.


Some male actors have taken on female characters. Some examples in the realm of TV and entertainment include the likes of Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire, Tyler Perry playing as Madea, Martin Lawrence as Sheneneh, and Martin Lawrence as Big Momma, among various other roles. Anyone who knows drag queens know one figure as a deity- RuPaul.

Some people dress up as fictional characters of the opposite gender. I am mostly talking about those who cosplay as certain characters of the opposite gender. For example, a genetic male may dress up for a convention or a contest as a female character he loves. Likewise, a genetic female may dress up as a male character she loves.

When you consider there are people who love crossdressing and make money doing it, you gauge how special it feels to do what you love and profit from it. This goes back to me talking about lifestyles and professions people may not necessarily like. If such personalities enjoy crossdressing and are profiting from it, who are you to argue against or tell them how to live their lives?

Crossdressing: Sexual Thrills.

It is obvious I should open this section by saying that this section may be discomforting for some members of my reading audience. So skip to the next section or read carefully.

There are some people who enjoy crossdressing for sexual pleasure. Such crossdressers enjoy crossdressing by engaging in kinky sex acts or engaging in various sexual behaviors. I want to keep my blog as world-friendly (my term for "safe for work/school") as possible, so I will not delve into any deeper details.


No matter what one's crossdressing desires are, one thing is important- the ability to return to going back to one's normal life and one's normal self. Crossdressing is a "vacation" where we become someone of our birth gender to live and dress as someone of the gender opposite of our birth. It isn't permanently being a member of a certain sex like with transsexuals.

--- Crossdressing Roadblocks ---

It is easy to be a crossdresser, right? No. There are certain obstacles that prevent or hinder most would-be crossdressers from doing or enjoying crossdressing. Here are some of the multiple roadblocks:

Inconfident About Emerging.

If you are educated in some way about transgender people, you might have heard expressions regarding "closet" transgenders. The expression regarding closet transgenders relates to those who crossdress but don't crossdress outside of home. So they mostly wear clothing from the opposite sex mostly around the house or in their bedroom. Not every crossdresser confidently leaves home dressed and living as a member of one's opposite gender. And therefore, not every crossdresser is confident enough to come out and let that inner person emerge.

Family Issues.

A male may be able to comfortably wear clothing from a female family member; but of course, certain family members may reject the notion of a male wearing female clothing. This can be an issue among family members. A crossdresser's desire to wear clothing could begin by wearing clothes from (in the case of M2F crossdressers) a male wearing clothing from female family members. Certain family members would detest of siblings or other family members crossdressing. These desires can be a roadblock for those who are crossdressing with clothing from other family members.

Romantic Issues.

This is perhaps the most damaging part of crossdressing desires. If you are a male wearing your girlfriend's/fianceé's/wife's clothes, your better half will likely be disgusted. Remember the misconception I posted about crossdressers being gay? It isn't easy for males to try to crossdress in fear of upsetting their lover or spouse. Certain relationships can fall apart thanks to things like this. Understanding lovers usually can set something up to where a crossdresser can enjoy crossdressing while still being together. A crossdresser can still enjoy being that other person while still being a good lover/spouse or even a parent.

Fear of Being/Looking Awkward.

Being passable is a quality many transgendered folk dream of. Some do not want to try crossdressing for fear of looking awkward. It takes confidence to wear such clothes and to act a certain way out and about. If it were easy to crossdress with confidence, we all would be crossdressing and love doing so!

Fear of Being Abused or Attacked.

One transgendered person's worst fear is in being abused or beaten, especially when one is unaware of someone not being born of a certain gender. While this is more prevalent among transsexuals, crossdressers could also suffer the same violent fate, especially if someone wants to be with someone else to whom is oblivious one is a transvestite or a transsexual. Not disclosing info about your gender can lead to violent consequences among those who exhibit violent behavior towards transgenders.


These are only among some of the many different roadblocks of crossdressing.

--- Final Thoughts on Crossdressing ---

Crossdressing is a misunderstood concept for many people. Throughout my entire explaining of crossdressing, never have I mentioned that it is right or wrong to crossdress. I have never criticized or attacked people who do crossdressing. All I have done through this post is discuss crossdressing on a professional and unbiased manner.

Crossdressing is a lifestyle that people will either appreciate or disapprove. It is as much worthy of like or dislike as any other lifestyle or culture. Among the many aspects of crossdressing, many people disregard or misconstrue certain aspects of crossdressers and crossdressing. Among the biggest ones is that crossdressers are not transsexuals. They are transgenders, but there is a big difference between crossdressing and transsexualism. It is also vastly misconstrued that all crossdressers are gay just because they live and dress as members of their oppposite sex. Transvestites simply take a vacation from their birth gender to live and dress as their opposite gender. And just like any vacation, any crossdresser wants to go from being one person to go back to being their own normal selves.

Taking part in crossdressing is because of certain factors ranging from casual crossdressing, to professional crossdressing, and even going to crossdressing for sexual pleasure. The reasons and pleasures vary among those who crossdress, but it has its appeal for all who take part in crossdressing.

--- Crossdressing Resources ---

I said this was a factual post on crossdressing. I never said, however, it was the definitive post on crossdressing. All of my information was based on however much I know and understand about crossdressing. I had to do some research for some extra information. Remember that this blog post is a proper post about crossdressing and not just simply wearing clothes from the other gender. It's about dressing up as and living as a member of the opposite sex here. And with these resources online, you crossdressers (or those who want to know more about crossdressing) will find various resources to help you understand or enhance your crossdressing.

If you want to learn more about crossdressing or find some various resources, I can help you right here. I've looked all of these sites and can tell you that while some may feature material that may not be suitable for all audiences, no adult sites are featured here. Each of the featured web sites are offered for educational and entertainment purposes.

Crossdressing Resources: Basic Resources.

These sites offer advice, educational content, online communities, and more for crossdressers and those wanting to know more about them. I advise that anyone looking to learn more about this and looking for more factual proof visit these links.

• Laura's Playground (Crossdresser link)
Laura's Playground is the Internet's most well-respected resource on almost anything transgender. The link (relevant to this blog post) links you to the Crossdressing resources of Laura's Playground. It is recommended you click on the link if you want to read specifically about crossdressers. If you want to read about transgender issues for youth (including crossdressing), use this link: Laura's Playground (Teens link). If you want to visit the main site, which links to information on all varieties of transgenders, use this link: Laura's Playground (main site).

• Susan's Place Transgender Resources for Transsexual/Transgender Communities (Crossdressing link)
Including both resources and an online message board, Susan's Place has many resources for transgender people. It even includes resources for crossdressers, which the above link takes you.
You may visit the main site by using this link: Susan's Place Transgender Resources for Transsexual/Transgender Communities.

• www.crossdressers.com/
A online forum devoted to crossdressing.

• Crossdresser Heaven
A website offering tips and resources for M2F crossdressers.

• Crossdressing Freedom
A website with many resources including stories, pictures, videos, advice, and more. It is run by a crossdresser who calls herself Zoe Freedom.

• UltraCrossdresser
Called "the ultimate crossdresser/transvestite guide," this site features many resources for crossdressers both new and experienced. Gain some knowledge and some insight if you are crossdressing or want to know more about crossdressing.

• A Crossdresser's Secret Garden
A resource site for crossdressers/transvestites and those who know them.

• The Gender Society
A social network and resource site devoted to transgenders (including crossdressers/transvestites).

Crossdressing Resources: Stores.

These are online stores with items for sale for those seriously into crossdressing. Be warned that some of these sites may not be comfortable for all audiences. Each site is a look at what certain online stores offer for crossdressers. However, no adult sites are featured.

• Cross-dress.com
This is one of the different sites to visit where you can get some accessories and items if you're a crossdresser.

• Crossdressing: Lingerie for Men, Men's Lace, Men's Satin & Panties
This is an online store with many items for M2F crossdressers.

• Crossdressing, Transgender, and Crossdresser Clothing and Accessories
An online store with various items for crossdressers.


I may include more links to better service my audience based on traffic or interest to this post. If you would like to suggest some sites to me that may be of interest to my readers, please contact me via E-mail. I review sites and will feature only material that I think my readers can benefit from and are not suspicious sites of any kind. Use the table at the conclusion of this post to contact me.





That concludes my blog post on crossdressing. I hope you were able to have a different understanding of crossdressers/transvestites after reading this post and checking out some of the resources I've posted. I may consider doing a related topic to this one in the future. So make sure you're subscribed and/or Following John's Blog Space. Not followed, but you love my blog? Then PLEASE subscribe to my blog!

More than ever... thank you for reading!

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Words Heal

Some people think words can't heal. Some people don't believe prayer helps. The point of this blog post is to say that words can heal as much as they can easily hurt. When you can't help someone immediately with actions, words and text are just as helpful. The problem, however, is that we are an action society. We prefer quick action or quick justice. While it is true that words alone can not reverse any wrong, they can provide some healing and some hope.

To provide some powerful words and inspiration, allow me to quote from someone I've blogged about before:

"Break the silence. Use your voice."

-Arielle Lee Bair

This quote from Arielle Lee Bair is very true in multiple contexts. Especially the "use your voice" portion means a whole lot. Let me give you an example. In my high school and college days, I had to talk with counselors and psychologists to help me feel better. If talking to these people helped me feel better in my worst times, then I know full well that words can heal for anyone dealing with any sort of issue. Trouble is... people think action is ALWAYS better than words. Well- offering kind words IS an action, so don't tell me (or anybody else) that your voice and your thoughts don't mean anything. I know and understand that offering prayer and kind words aren't going to resolve issues. However, at least it is better than not saying anything and letting someone who needs help (or would appreciate sympathy/help) just have their problems go unresolved.

Bottom line is- words may not equal immediate action, but they can do a whole lot to offer peace and support. Some people use their voice to hate on people and say demeaning things to people. Well, why not use your same voice and offer kindness and help to those who may need it? It's not like you can only say bad things to people. Your words can help. I just get upset at times when people think words can't be as helpful as providing action. There are truly situations where legitimate action is more powerful than even the kindest of words and prayer. But for the most part, words are just as helpful as legitimate action in most cases.





Be helpful- use your voice. Use your words. Words heal. Thank you for reading!

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Perfectionism

Nothing is ever perfect, yet we push ourselves to be perfect or as close to perfect as possible. Even I must admit I push to be perfect in all I do. I want as few faults as possible in my videos and blog posts. If nothing is perfect, why do we push to be perfect? Why does a sports team think they could finish undefeated? Why can a student feel he/she can pass everything with the highest-possible grades? Why does a gamer think he/she can complete any game without taking any damage or dying in a game? It is because we push to be perfect all the time.

--- Perfectionism ---

Perfectionists think the best way to be fully satisfied with their work is to be perfect in all phases of our craft. If not perfect, then as close to perfect as possible. Perfection is the ultimate form of gratification. It means you've done everything absolutely right with no faults to speak of. Think of unbeaten sports teams- they won every game regardless of how they all played through the season. They didn't have to dominate every game, but they did the most important thing- win. Even in victory, however, perfectionism also relates to the fact that things can be done better and more efficiently. That can be pretty natural when you think about how you could have done something better. For example, you may be a basketball player that scored a lot of points for your team, but you may be upset because you missed a few layups or open shots.

A perfectionist always thinks he/she should be able to accomplish anything efficiently and have it all done as flawless as possible. Whatever "perfect" means to the person in question relates to what he/she deems perfect for a given task. You will need to do everything possible to do a certain task brilliantly. Doing things from a perfectionist's standpoint means doing things to a certain standard. Sometimes, going beyond a certain standard or standards.

Fear of Imperfection.

The one thing that gets to all of us is in making or having imperfections in our work. Realistically, we would like as few imperfections as possible- and I am not just talking about in fashion. I try to post my blog posts and videos with as few faults or forgotten content as possible. Whatever I post online is the best material I could post at the time of that post. Often times, I note I've made certain errors that must be corrected. Everything I put into my posts or videos is everything at my best level. Anything less than acceptable doesn't get posted or featured. My biggest fear is to have too many imperfections to where I felt I could have done a much better job than what I could have done in my very first post. Remember that I am in charge of myself, so there is little fear of me trying to publish something quickly and with professionalism and mastery of skill. However, I do feel like a school/college student, having to do everything right (or as close to right) as possible for the best results.

Imperfection vs. Just Being Sloppy/Lazy.

Is there a difference between imperfections and just being sloppy? Sure! Imperfections usually involve errors that can be corrected. Just messing up facts and content is purely unacceptable. Do you honestly want your published work to be full of errors and faults if you care so much about making quality content? Even if you don't care too much about what people think about your work, you at least want to work to make your material acceptable. Acceptable means... suitable and useful. The other side is just about posting something and not caring about what anyone thinks.

--- Am I a Perfectionist? ---

I think of myself often times as a perfectionist, but even I know I can do so much. I think too much about many things. So you can say I am a perfectionist... to an extent. I often edit and re-edit my posts using NoteTab as well as spell checking with Firefox. I care deeply about posting the best version of something the first time around so that I don't have to keep editing it all the time. If I have to edit something initially posted on a constant basis when I could have done almost everything right the first time, all I am doing is degrading the quality of my material as well as wasting your time. You (as a reader/visitor) deserve my best all the time because I hold myself to such high standards. If I am not doing my blogging at an acceptable level, I am just negatively wasting my creative energy to all of you, which is unacceptable to me.

--- Final Thoughts on Perfectionism ---

You can't let imperfections rule over you. You sometimes have to allow some imperfections to be made so you can make yourself a better person. I always feel learning from errors and imperfections help make us better. How can you make yourself better if you disallow yourself to have faults? Even the very best in any industry has had to overcome faults and shortcomings to eventually be great.





There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist or having a perfectionist's mindset. However, don't allow yourself to be broken down by focusing too much on making everything extremely perfect. Just work to make everything as acceptable as possible. If there are any faults you have or have experienced, work to resolve those faults in future applications. Most important of all- don't let yourself down if you don't do everything perfectly right. Until next time, thank you for reading!

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Regrets

(UPDATED: April 16, 2012)

At some point, we regret certain things in our lives. What we regret and what actually happens determines how we go about life. Some regrets are comical while others are more serious. Comical regrets can mean things like missing an episode of a TV show or not attending a certain entertainment event. More serious regrets can mean not being able to be a good parent or regretting getting involved in drugs, alcohol, prostitution, and the like. This blog post is a look at regrets- both having them and living with them.

LATEST UPDATE(S)/REVISION(S):

APR 16 2012 - added extra content, including a link to a video



The most important thing to remember about regrets is that we all regret something at some point of our lives. The key here is on how you take certain regrets. Does a regret take you over so much to where you feel like each day feels like you are one step closer to death? Do you regret something to where you do not feel adequate or capable of living happily and healthy? If you feel like life is bringing you down because of something you've regret in your life, you just need to establish peace of mind and some sort of happiness. You need to be at peace with yourself and give yourself some confidence. It may be tough, but it is doable. Life does not end just because something bad happens to you and that you can't work to make things better. I always say that every day is a chance to make yourself better than the day before. So always work to make yourself better even if with a small improvement.

It is perfectly fine to regret things in life. This sort of behavior shows you are mindful of certain things you do or have happened to you. It shows compassion you have for others and that you don't want to hurt them in any such way. And if you do feel like you have hurt someone, you regret having to do so. In regards to personal regrets, at least you show there are things you wish could change for yourself in making yourself better.

Everyone has regrets about things in life, whether big or small. How you accept and acknowledge these regrets make us better people in the long run. All you can do is move on with most things you regret. Just try to make the next day better and try to live as best of a life as you can.

IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED...

(ADDED: April 16, 2012)
I made a video on my YouTube channel, JohnMarineTube, where I discuss regrets in video form. To take a look at my video, you're invited here:

"Regrets" - JohnMarineTube (YouTube)





If you enjoy my motivational and life issue posts, I would like to thank you. I care more about helping others feel better rather than try to get more views when these topics are involved. So make sure to take my advice to heart and try to make the most of each day. Thank you for reading!

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Homesickness

When you feel homesick, you miss being home. You feel like being home rather than spend another day away from home. Some people are away from home mostly to handle business. These include certain jobs or school/college. Sometimes, we wish we could be at home especially when being out and about isn't very pleasing. I think about this sometimes with people like truck drivers, certain entertainers, and especially active members of the military serving away from home. Just the thought of being away from home for a long while will bring some people to a bit of sadness.

Allow me to express this point before I get to the real matter of this blog post:

If you or anyone you know have been homesick or are homesick, I hope my blog post can help you feel better with various resources and thoughts. I care about all of my visitors and want you all to feel better if you are down. Please enjoy this blog post.

--- Homesickness at a Glance ---

^ from: calonst.wordpress.com (best I could find) - Being homesick is an emotional attachment to home. The comforts of being at home can contribute to being homesick when we are away from home.

If you feel homesick, you often wonder how your friends and family are doing back home. You know you have business to attend to and take part in. Only thing is, you tend to worry about being home- where there is comfort, happiness, and where you are better connected to those you love as opposed to being totally alienated or isolated. Most people become too indulged in the comforts of home. Being too indulged makes us miss being home. Homesickness can lead to depression and anxiety. You know you are out and about because you have a job to do. However, you really feel like there are external (and even internal) influences that make you feel like you'd rather be home than work on whatever you are working on away from home. Homesickness is a feeling that can really bring anyone down.

What if you have to give up being around your lover/spouse and child(ren) due to homesickness? These things can really contribute to homesickness as well. Your compassion and love for others can make you feel like being away from them is terrible. If your job involves being away from home to provide for your family, being homesick is a deterrent because you have an occupation or an obligation that takes away from you constantly being your lover/spouse and/or your child(ren). Almost a tough reality about certain occupations.

Being homesick affects EVERYONE. Not many people can honestly deny they would rather be home rather than be out and about all the time for extended amounts of time.

--- Homesickness: Individual Cases ---

Here are some individual cases of being homesick and thoughts on each.

Homesick: Students.

When I used to be a student at Lamar University (Beaumont, TX, USA), I had a number of problems to where I missed being back home in Houston. Being depressed or feeling lonely can make you feel more and more to want to be home. Most people usually try every so often to return home or talk with friends and family back home each chance they get.

Homesick: Truck Drivers.

Truck drivers have an important job to do- go from location to location delivering goods and going around the country. I often wonder how truck drivers (especially those that go around the country) feel having to go out for a long time delivering things while not entirely feeling homesick. Good thing about this is that you are going around the country and seeing the rest of the country. Bad thing is, you sometimes wish you could be at home more to be with your family or your spouse. But again- you have a job that you take so seriously that a job seems to outweigh being with family. And if you don't make the money or complete the task, then it will be tough to provide for your family as you miss home. Various links I've found online have some truck drivers concerned about being depressed and anxious that they quit being truck drivers. Truck drivers who have been away from home for so long certainly know this feeling.

Let me share with you something I read on an online message board. Here is what one person stated online as to why he quit being a truck driver:

"...I quit because I was homesick. I had depression and anxiety and after driving for 10 hours everyday I would go to my sleeper berth and cry because I missed home."

I honestly really think about truck drivers in this respect. Their job is important, but how do they handle being away from home (especially those who are constantly out on the road)? Makes you appreciate what all truck drivers do when going around the country.

Homesick: Military.

I become even more worried about those in the military involving being homesick, and their job is even more important than the truck drivers I mentioned previously. Being in the military- especially as an active member- comes with greater risk. Some soldiers may never return home or be killed in action. But again, the desire and appeal to be home becomes an issue. I have never served in the military. However, being in the military is a serious job and a serious responsibility. You are subject to some situations and environments that can be infinitely much harsh than almost anything else you've experienced previously.

It does become a refreshing feeling when you're able to communicate with friends and family in saying that you're alright and well while actively serving abroad. Something like this can be great especially knowing you are in hostile territory or in a seemingly insane environment. One article I read online stated that the best way to handle homesick military members is to simply send them home. I even read that some soldier who get to be homesick sometimes become suicidal because of their homesickness.

JUST SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY QUICKLY: I would like to salute and honor all of the men and women serving in the various levels of the United States military. Thank you for all you do to defend our country home and abroad.


Being homesick affects many people in many ways. These were just a few examples.

--- Homesick Resources ---

Are you or someone you know homesick? I have pulled a few different resources from off the Internet to help you out. I hope you can use these resources and more to help you out:

• Homesickness is a longing to be near your sources of happiness
• Lee's Homesickness As A Military Man Reflects Today's Soldiers' Feelings
• Homesickness - kidshealth.org
• "It's My Life . Friends , Summer Camp . Homesickness" - pbskids.org

• "6 ways to deal with being homesick at college" - xatal.com
• College Student Homesickness - About.com
• Homesickness isn't really about 'home' - CNN Health

• No Need to Be Homesick – Local Trucking

• How to Deal with Homesickness at Basic Training - militaryspot.com


I hope I can find more resources for people taking on homesickness. I really want to feel like I am actually helping people rather than just post a bunch of stuff online expecting people to care.





People, this goes to show you that even when preparing blog posts on certain topics, I often feel the pain most others have in regards to a certain topic. I have felt some pain just thinking about what people go through in some of the many Life Issues and Love and Relationships topics I post about. Doing posts like these reflect the passion I have for giving out useful and important posts that people can relate to. I even wanted to cry at one point when I've read some peoples' stories online about feeling homesick or making someone homesick. If ever you question my passion and heart to post about certain topics, just know this- I do have passion and love for what I post about, even with the shakiest and most controversial or embarrassing topics. I post for the Internet; not myself.

So I hope you enjoyed this blog post. You may even offer this post to other people to maybe offer some support to them. Hope all of you who are homesick can feel better and return to normal. Thank you for reading.

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Unconditional Love

What is unconditional love? Unconditional love implies these things: "You can screw up really bad- I still love you regardless." "You can lose this game in a beat down- I still love you." "You can make a total fool out of yourself, but I still love you." Unconditional love, then, means that for any situation we get in for better or for worse, we are still loved by those who care about us. Some people feel they have to constantly compete for love from a certain party or parties. Some of us don't feel loved enough by others to say we're loved unconditionally. Do we TRULY feel loved enough to where even when we commit our greatest monkeyshines, we are still loved by the ones we feel loved the most by?

--- More On Unconditional Love ---

Let me set the mood with a picture:


^ from: www.suxiaolan.net - You are loved by others, but are you loved unconditionally by others?


People who don't feel unconditionally loved still feel like they have to constantly compete for love rather than know they are loved and cared for. These are moments when we feel like more can be done to repair (in the minds of those unconditionally loved) any sort of broken link between one person and another.

If you don't feel unconditionally loved by someone whose respect you are trying to win (even if it is from your parents, a family member, your friends, your lover, your peers, etc.), then you'll have to find some sort of way to let that person (or those persons) know just how much winning their trust means to you. You can NOT let someone whom you love and respect regard you any longer as dead weight or excess baggage. You are a human being seeking to be loved and appreciated. If you feel down in the eyes of someone who you truly care about, it is best to share your true feelings rather than hold it all in and feel broken down on the inside. Then, that person has to understand where you're coming from and make an effort to better respect you. It all comes down to an effort to where both sides come together as one and that everyone can feel happy and carefree together. Allow me to quote:

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."

-David Viscott, from "How to Live with Another Person," 1974

...and who does not want to feel warmth and love, especially unconditionally? Not every day is a sunny day- metaphorically speaking. However, not every day is cloudy and rainy either. Love is protection from our own personal stormy days. Unconditional love is protection from any and all elements- knowing we are protected and cared for even in the worst of circumstances at every moment.





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"Me" Time

Sometimes, you need time to yourself. You sometimes need to treat yourself to things rather than put up with other people. These moments of "me" time allows one to relax and unwind while treating ourselves and spoiling ourselves to good things. The blog post you are about to read is all about the "me" time we sometimes need to help us feel better from within.

Let me begin with a quote:

"I ain't tryna do you, I'm tryin' do me..."

-lyric to "I Luv It" from Young Jeezy

...and let's continue with a picture (best I could find to represent this post):


^ from: www.bornfreemumanddad.co.uk - Other people bringing you down? Stress getting to you? Need to chill out? Have yourself some "me" time!

Let's continue on with the post.

--- What Does "Me" Time Do For Us? ---

Having "me" time gives us a chance to relax and humble ourselves. It is an assuring feeling to know we do these things for ourselves to feel better. These "me" moments are like reminders to ourselves that we are amazing people. If others don't love you as much, having "me" time is a good bit of self-confidence and self-love.

The one thing to be careful of is that you don't act too selfishly or regard yourself higher than anybody else (including family and friends). You want these "me" time moments to be self-encouraging; not in being any sort of Narcissist.

--- "Me" Time Examples ---

Here are some examples of "me" time and people spoiling themselves:

• A young male decides to head out alone a nightclub or lounge rather than hang out with his friends at a sports bar.

• A single young lady treats herself to getting a manicure and pedicure at a salon, then goes out shopping for herself at a mall or a department store. She may also decide to go to a nightclub for the night alone and treat herself to a party.

• A teenage male unwinds from the rigors of High School by playing tunes with his guitar.

• A married woman prepares a delicious and satisfying dinner for herself at home rather than have a dinner with her husband or be with her girl friends.


Many people have many different ways of treating themselves. What do you normally do with your "me" time? What was maybe the most memorable "me" time moment you had? Did you have "me" time in response to something negative that has happened in your life? Regardless of the reason or what you do, we all need some "me" time, just these moments that help us to feel better and relax. While not generally appreciated by other people whom we love, this is at least a time where us individuals can spoil ourselves and feel good all the while.





How do you spend your "me" time? Do you allow yourself some "me" time? By the way, I was preparing this blog post during the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show. :)

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New Year's Resolutions

I couldn't care less for New Year's Resolutions because I basically have just learned to let each day run its course. Resolutions are more like, "what could I work towards to make the coming year better?" These involve things in and out of your control. They also involve your own expectations or forecasts of a year you haven't yet experienced. You never know what the new year will bring. Likewise, you hope the following year goes better than the previous one, especially if the current year has been unfulfilling.

If you read my "Disappointment" blog post, you may know that my 2011 has personally been disappointing. Most of it has been about things outside of my control that has made me feel not as personally happy or just not cheery enough to feel satisfied. Maybe it's focusing too much on doom and gloom for me that has helped me feel disappointed. Maybe too many things in sports and in life brought me down for 2011 that didn't make me enjoy it as much as I would like, like my Houston Astros finishing 56-106 (worst record in Major League Baseball) among other disappointing things. If you wanted to read about more disappointments for me, read "Disappointment" here on John's Blog Space.

The most usual resolutions most people are usually to lose weight, get a job (or maintain a current good job), and things like that. I haven't given a thought to resolutions because I have basically reached a mindset where no matter what I hope to have out of a year, my hopes either fall flat or that I don't get to fully accomplish whatever it is I want out of a year. So I basically just let a year come to me the way it wants to and adapt in real time. In a way, resolutions are like expectations; and some of you know I don't believe in expectations. So I just take the year as it is and just adapt quickly to new challenges.





If you have any realistic goals or hopes for the new year, I hope you can stick to them as best as you can. Good luck to you and hope next year is as promising and hopeful as you want it to be. And once again... if you wanted to read about more disappointments for me, read "Disappointment" here on John's Blog Space.

Thank you for reading! Have a great current year and an even better new year!

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Pleasant Surprises

Pleasant surprises are compliments people don't expect to have come their way, but are there anyways thanks to the generousity of others. I like to think I've provided pleasant surprises to people when I mention them in blog posts and/or videos. I like uplifting the spirits of people. Sometimes, I bring myself to tears or a positive rhythm in my heart knowing I've touched someone in a positive way. Even more so when people look to me as a positive influence. When I have blogged about people, some of the ones whom I've blogged about actually contact ME offering thanks! Some others are pleased when I make mention to them in my blog, like in my shout-out and salute posts.

Life has its fair share of pleasant surprises. We never know who or what is offering kind words or compliments to others, but we're certainly thankful we get them. This feeling of support from others is great when you're talking about average people offering up kind words and complimentary material of and about others. Pleasant surprises come in many forms. For me as a blogger, a pleasant surprise is when I pick up lots of views for posts in one day. It means people actually care about what I post. People have given me a chance and liked my efforts. It means people are rewarding themselves for finding and loving my material. I want this! I want people to engage with my material and (hopefully) enjoy what they see.

So go ahead- surprise somebody (even me) with something nice or positive. Make a respectful blog post about someone. Make a respectful video about someone. Provide a gift to someone you love
You never know what you can do when you provide a pleasant surprise. You may be completely oblivious of something respectful and positive being mentioned about someone... until you show him/her/them. So go ahead- make something pleasantly surprising for someone! :)





More pleasant surprises are when people fan my Facebook fan page and get social with me in other ways. Want to make a pleasant surprise for me? Subscribe and Follow to John's Blog Space! Love John's Blog Space? If so (and if you haven't yet subscribed or followed), Subscribe and/or Follow! Thank you for reading!

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Unrequited Love

You love someone, but that person doesn't love you back. This is the concept of unrequited love. Or if "unrequited" is hard to remember, simply call it one-sided love. Unrequited love could lead to one trying harder to win the heart of someone whom he/she really loves despite the other person's unwillingness to commit to that person. This is either one person feeling hugely attracted to someone while the other is not as attracted as the other, or it may be two sides that just don't really understand how much one loves the other person. Regardless of whatever kind of relationship you're in, there will be a point where your best efforts to try to win someone's love (or win back someone's love) can all be a losing cause where there is unrequited love involved.

PERSONAL NOTE:

I would like to thank a loyal reader who suggested that I do a topic on unrequited love. I will do my best to talk about this topic in that reader's honor.

--- Unrequited Love ---

^ from: www.ladyzona.com (best picture I could find to represent this post) - Unrequited love- where one's affection for another isn't met with the same level of affection from the other person.

And I quote (taken from Wikipedia):

"Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner."

-Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970) p. 130

If you want a fantasy example of unrequited love, some of you may be fans of Pepe Le Pew from the Looney Tunes cartoons. This skunk sees this female cat and pursues her to fall in love with the cat. Of course, this cat has some sort of white streak on her that makes her look like a skunk, but she's a cat. Despite Pepe Le Pew's advances to try to win the cat's heart, the cat keeps drawing Pepe Le Pew away.

Now I feel old. You made me remember watching Looney Tunes. Thanks a bunch! -_-


The main point is that unrequited love can simply be thought of as one-sided love. You love someone, but the other person doesn't share the same loving interest. This leads to trying to do almost anything to win the affection of someone in trying to get the other person to share the same level of devotion and affection as you have for someone.

--- Aspects of Unrequited Love ---

Here are some of the aspects of unrequited love:

Does He/She Really Know?

Imagine a single male for a moment. There is one female for whom he most desires to be with and love for all eternity. There is a problem for this single male. It isn't that the female is taken; but more for the fact that she simply doesn't love him. So basically, a guy could love a girl so much, but the girl either couldn't care less or doesn't want to be with him. But... does she REALLY know how much he wants to be with her?

That's the point of this topic of unrequited love- does the other person know how much he/she really wants to be with someone? This is sometimes what I think about certain people whom matter to me- what would I say, if I could say anything at all, to show how much I love and respect someone? As an example, I sometimes say to people that I'm glad I'm friends with them. I don't need a reason or anything to say something like that. The guy who wants the girl so bad has these thoughts as to why he loves her so much. It all means nothing, though, if the other person couldn't care about your level of devotion and love for someone.

So what's next?

He/She Just is Just Not Into You.

Maybe the one you love most just isn't into you. Do you try harder to win that person's love by performing certain actions, or do you just move on and try to have better luck with someone else? The former doesn't apply if you think that one person whose affection you're trying to win is the ONLY one for you. The latter applies if you think you can do better with someone else than try to waste your time and energy trying to be with someone who simply doesn't love you as much (or at all). It may even be possible for you to change up your image and personality somewhat to better your chances of getting with someone. Even still, this won't guarantee you will win the love of someone.

--- Unrequited Love if Together ---

Maybe unrequited love can occur while two lovers are together. There may be a case where one side isn't as faithful to his/her lover/spouse as the other person. How does one deal?

--- Final Thoughts ---

When it comes to showing your love for someone, it is important for both sides to come together to show unity and happiness. How can two loving partners be together or stay together if one person's bond isn't as strong as the other's bond? One should be able to profess his/her love for someone. If the target of one's affection doesn't approve or acknowledge these professions, then it either means there's no chance of the two coming together, or that someone just doesn't have enough in him/her to love someone else.

Do you move on or try harder to win that person's affection? If you try harder and still fall short, then just let that person go. Get that person out of your life and find someone else instead. Don't run the risk of getting on that person's bad side by continually trying to win the love of someone who clearly doesn't love you at all. It's just not going to work. So it's best to move on if your attempts fall short.

Always remember- "I love you" takes seconds to say, but true love takes a lifetime to show and prove. Don't commit to love if you're not in it for the long haul. That goes for you and your partner.

--- Unrequited Love Resources ---

These may help you out if you want to know more about this kind of love (more may be added in future posts):

• How to Handle the Pain of Unrequited Love
• Unrequited Love and Lust: When The One You Want Doesn’t Want You Back
• How to Deal With Unrequited Love: 9 Steps (WikiHow)

More may be added in future edits. These are just a start for now.




Please note that when I do these "Love and Relationships" posts, unlike a lot of my other personal sort of material... most of these are based on ideas and thoughts rather than personal experience. I've never done any dating or anything like that. I had to actually do some reading online to discuss unrequited love because I want to make the most professional style blog posts on certain topics. Professionalism and understanding of something are more important to me than making any sort of posts laden with taboo. You expended your energy to search for something useful, and the least I can do is help make your troubles worth your while. So I hope you enjoyed this post of mine. Also note that topics like this can involve MANY kinds of loving relationships. My "Love and Relationships" topics involve heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual relationships.

Do you perhaps have your own take on unrequited love? Don't just read my posts- share your own ideas and commentary based on what you just read! Thank you for reading!

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In Happier Times...

When current times are rough, we often like to reflect back to when times were happier and better for us. Depending on the memories, the urge to want to relive those great days and times. In happier times, we've lived better and had more fun than today. Some of us can only wish we could relive those times when it didn't take much to have a smile on your face and to feel free. How do you handle yourself in these situations?

This blog post is dedicated to being down on ourselves in today's times, wishing today's times were better compared to in the past.

--- In Happier Times... ---

Having memories of a better life vary from person to person. These happier memories help you to remember when times were better for you. Just about all of us have some sort of happy memories from our past. If we wanted to, we could relive those times and enjoy what all is now lost forever in time. I know there are times I've had where I've felt better and that life was just that extra bit happier for me.

In Happier Times: A Demonstration.

NOTE: The following story is provided as a demonstration. It is not meant to resemble any real people or situations. Any relation between the characters and/or the stories thereof are completely coincidental.

Let me provide a demonstration of current rough times and remembering happier times.

Imagine two people, Matt and Jennifer. The two have known and loved each other since high school. They have a baby boy together named Jason. They live in a very nice neighborhood. That was some five years ago. Now? Matt and Jennifer are still together, but they are separated. Jennifer takes care of their baby boy while Matt moved back to his mother's house. Jason feels terrified that his parents still argue. This worrying has caused Jason to not do so well in school. Everything seems depressing with no hope in sight. Jennifer got behind on paying bills, and she's now facing financial hardships.

At some point, all three people in this demonstration can somewhat recall when times were happier and worries are at a minimum. The trouble here is that current times are rough. Just the thought of simpler and happier times are enough to possibly bring everyone together again in happiness. The parties involved will have to come together through one sort of common bond to where everyone can be happy and positive again. How that is accomplished depends entirely on factors, both internal and external to help bring everyone together again happily.


Today's doom and gloom for these three people makes it that much more special to remember when times were happier. However, considering the respective situations these three face, is there possibly a way to save this family? Remembering what you've had before things turned sour is a good indication that times have gotten rough, and it may take a great deal of acts and actions to help return happiness to the lives of those teetering and struggling in life. Various triggers help set the tone for wanting to relive happier times.

Reminiscent Triggers.

So what can trigger these emotions of reflecting to when times were happier? Among other factors:

• friendship with others
• a better love life
• a better time with family
• status in work/school
• an overall personal mood
• economic, governmental, social, religious conditions at that time
• friends and family alive at that time

All of us will have some sort of memories where we wish times were better than what we have now. Depending on those memories, we either don't mind if we could relive certain happy experiences, or we would hate our lives right now only because certain past experiences are much better than the experiences we have at present.

Can Certain Past Times Be Relived?

It may be possible to set up situations that help us to relive happier times. Think of older people for a moment. Imagine high school and college reunion ceremonies for people who are at least 40 years old. Obviously, such people can't properly relive when they were much younger. There were too many more factors back in the past compared to today's postmodern society. You can, however, bring back certain times when it was these people who roamed the campus and lived their lives at a certain location.

Some past times require a certain location be available. Imagine if you (as a male) kissed your girlfriend for the first time at a fast food restaurant way back when. Imagine that this is where you had the best hamburgers and food you've ever eaten. And imagine that today... that restaurant is now demolished and replaced either with housing or is just a big empty lot. In a time like this, it is near impossible to enjoy these memories again because that specific place is no longer there.

Depending on a number of factors, it is possible to bring back past positive memories. These may be the memories that help us to feel better and improve our quality of life in this day and age even if for only one day.

--- Inspiration for This Blog Post ---

I am always inspired in everything I post, so let me share my inspiration with you.

You may have read my blog post called "Disappointment." This was where I intimately shared some of the things I've been disappointed with. I called 2011 a year of disappointment for me because of a number of factors internally and externally that have led me to not feel as happy or as confident about this year compared to in past times.

So often times, I feel times were better for me when life was simpler and when I was more youthful. I sometimes think of when I was around people whom I've respected and enjoyed being around and who adored my own presence. I can recall when certain songs on the radio made me happy. I can remember being in a time where I've enjoyed myself more then than I do now. Mainstream culture were different, times were different, and I was in a happier mood. Today, I get so caught up with the doom and gloom most people have that I wish I could reverse the misfortunes of myself and others if I had the power to do so.

I sometimes reflect on a lot of things then compared to now. The most common comparison people may make relate to music. A lot of people will say that music culture was much more fun then compared to now, where many people think music is too much about manufacturing music and styles rather than letting the truly unique talents shine. Think of sports fans who wish their favorite athletes/teams would return to their past winning ways (like my Houston Astros) or championship-wining ways (like my Houston Rockets). Those who currently have a tough time trying to keep a bond between friends and family often wish they could be together forever and for longer like back in the day.

I guess I can even relate to more people (talking about fashion now) where more people are into dark styles more than something expressive and happy. There was once a piece I read in Teen Vogue magazine called "Bringing Pretty Back," where there are girls who just want to look pretty again rather than wear dark, edgy, tough, gloomy fashions.

IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED:
If you want to read my [recently updated] blog post in response to this topic, open this link in another window/tab or just click on it to go to that post: "Binging Pretty Back" here on John's Blog Space. This post MIGHT be brought back with a new version, so you are reading what could be deleted and replaced.

(ADDED: April 25, 2012) Would you like to see a video I did on this topic? If so, see my YouTube video: "In Happier Times" - YouTube.


Almost everyone who has positive memories of some kind will have some idea of what they wish they can relive. So is the inspiration to this post.





Are today's times so disparaging that reflecting on a happier past is the way to go? How do certain past positive experiences impact you if today's times are not as positive? How do you rebound and deal in these times? Your comments are welcome. Thank you for reading!

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Unlucky Days

Some days on the calendar and certain times of the year are those we all seem to loathe, primarily because we don't seem to be at our best or have our best moments. Maybe are times on this day or this time that don't go very well. These certain unlucky or dismal days are those we may totally loathe when those times. Are there certain days or times of the year where you seem to have some of your worst memories? The reason why I bring this is up is because one of my least favorite times of the year for me is here...

Halloween.

In some of my past, especially as a student, some of my worst moments have come on Halloween. I was suspended for fighting. It was my final day as a student of Lamar University. It is almost as if I have sort of anticipate what (if anything) will go very wrong with me. It has been a certain day I've loathed because something negative always seemed to happen on this day.

Now... I do enjoy the candy on Halloween. :) However, this day just brings bad memories for me for things that have happened to me on Halloween. Maybe I have a Charlie Brown sort of aura regarding certain holidays and times of the year. Some holidays just don't go right for me sometimes. There is nothing cheesy or movie-like about it, but I just sometimes don't have the best luck on a day like Halloween. That's why I'm not as jovial as many others in dressing up and being scary and all that. I am myself for Halloween. I don't do any dressing up or anything like that. That even includes wearing anything even remotely Halloween-related.


In certain other cultures and calendars, some days are considered some of the unluckiest days. For example, on the Medieval calendar, there are two Egyptian days each month that are considered dismal days (dismal meaning unlucky or evil here).

In case you're interested on dismal/unlucky days on the calendar in certain cultures, here are some sites to look up:
• Dismal or Bad Egyptian Days
• Dismal or Bad Japanese Days

Unlucky for many people is Friday the 13th. However, some days can be much worse than any Friday the 13th.





How do you handle your unluckiest days? Or at least, a certain day or time of the year where you're probably not as happy or not as joyous that a certain day/time is happening? Comment away. By the way... HAPPY HALLOWEEN (since it is Halloween as of this initial blog post)!!!

Thank you for reading!

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Fashion Freedom

Fashion freedom is a concept in which there are no gender limits to wearing certain garments. There are some people who feel like they should be able to wear anything- including clothing from the opposite sex. Think of men in high heels. Think of men in skirts and dresses. At least in the minds of most fashionable males, a male would be confounded as to why he would be considered crossdressing if he wears feminine clothing, yet a female could be able to wear masculine clothing without penalty and not be called a crossdresser. This is part of the reason why I mostly discuss feminine fashion more than I do masculine fashion- fashion is more versatile for females than it is for males. This versatility (and the fact I'm a bit more comfortable discussing feminine fashion) is why I mostly discuss feminine fashion. If you are someone who feels strongly in favor of fashion freedom, this is your blog post.

I want you to know that this blog post may lead to separate blog posts on the same related topic, so make sure to keep reading John's Blog Space for this and other posts on the same topic. Most of what this post pertains to is about males wearing feminine fashions. While I did an entire blog post on this topic, this blog post is a more in-depth look at fashion freedom.

WARNING: While there is no seriously objectionable content, some of the content matter in this blog post may not be suitable for all audiences.

--- Fashion Freedom as a Concept ---

Fashion freedom would ask questions about fashion that mainstream society would frown upon instantaneously. For instance...

• Why should only females wear skirts (or even dresses)?
• Why should only females wear high heels? Why should only females wear makeup and nail polish?
• Why is it that if a female attempts to wear male clothing (a la boyfriend fashion), she is seemingly okay; but if a male attempts to wears female clothing, he is considered crossdressing?

These questions and more are questions that those into fashion freedom would ask. The key point is in feeling able to wear clothing even from the opposite sex without fear of being considered gay or a transvestite by society.

--- Fashion Freedom: You Can't Wear THAT! ---

In the minds of those who feel they can wear whatever they want, there should be no reason why anyone should have to have restrictions on what they should and should wear. How come a male shouldn't be able to wear a skirt if he wants to? Why shouldn't a male wear pumps or some feminine heels if he wants to? We tend to live in a society where everything is taboo. Anything left of mainstream society is grounds for taboo and gossip. For example, a male who wants to wear a silky camisole top with a pair of chic jeans and either high-heel pumps or high-heel sandals should feel he can wear such a look without penalty or cruel stares. One male makes such a fashion choice and ends up having all sorts of mostly negative attention to him. Not everyone wants to wear something just to be noticed in a negative light.

The male should have no problem wanting to go out sporting this look, right? Wrong. With the society we live in, there are those who would cringe at the sight of a male being left of socially acceptable. Females wear pink. Do males wear pink too? Absolutely males do. I've even known a few guys who wear pink, or even some variation of pink. To those who believe in fashion freedom, there should be no reason why a guy should be hated on for wearing something that would easily look cute/sexy/fierce on a female.

"I Want to Wear Whatever I Want."

Some people feel they should be able to wear whatever they like, and the feeling tends to be especially hard for school students. One such case was that of a (even I must say) very cute young male named Jonathan Escobar. In 2009, Jonathan Escobar- a (then) 16-year old from Miami who enrolled in North Cobb High School (Kennesaw, Georgia, USA) was kicked out of his high school since he wasn't allowed to dress up as a girl. An interview on television saw Jonathan dress up in a black wide-brim hat, a gray blazer, indigo blue skinny jeans, black nail polish on his fingernails and toenails, and a cute pair of platform high-heel sandals. It was concluded that the dress code strictly enforced students didn't dress or act in ways that would disrupt school functions... including crossdressing. Here was the news segment from 2009:



Imagine something as simple as wearing certain clothes as a barrier of getting a good education. Sad.

Double Standards in Fashion?

Fashion poses a number of double standards. In case you need a refresher on what a double standard is, it means that one such situation is perfectly fine for one party but troublesome for another party. One can make the case for the boyfriend/menswear trend. For instance, it's perfectly fine if a girl wants to dress up as a guy or wear masculine-cut clothes. However, a male would be heckled or be frowned upon if he wants to wear feminine garments. There are females who dress and look boyish. Not every girl wants to wear sexy dresses and sky high heel pumps. But then, not every male wants to wear masculine clothing.

Remember I discussed the versatility of feminine fashion from the outset? Well, fashion favors females more than males. Because of this favorable nature, a number of people would frown at the notion of a male wearing feminine clothing. Imagine that a guy wants to wear a flirty leopard-print elbow sleeve top, dark blue skinny jeans, and some black round-toe pumps. Not out of taboo, but because he wants to express himself through the means of fashion. Do you allow him to dress up this way, or do you admonish and criticize him because he doesn't dress up like other average males?

Homophobic Fears.

One thing people do not want to have happen to them is being considered gay just because of a few fashion choices. More than anything, this is perhaps the biggest fear and biggest deterrent for most males trying on certain feminine fashions. The fear is that someone is considered/presumed gay just because he/she isn't "like everybody else." A certain preference in fashion does not make anyone gay. A lot of people would assume (especially males) to be crossdressers simply because they wear feminine clothing.


So therefore, the concept of fashion freedom is a risky one. Many people take different things in different ways.

--- Fashion Freedom: How Others Would Feel about Fashion Freedom ---

(NOTE: This section is all opinion. It is not based on any scientific research I've done on this topic matter.)

How Most Females Would Feel About Males in Feminine Fashions.

Most females would object to the notion of a male wearing anything feminine. To some females, males should stick to masculine clothes, and females should happily wear feminine clothing. This would be flawed logic by most males. The flawed logic would be that if a girl could get away with wearing guy's clothing, how come guys can't get away with wearing girl's clothing? The double standard here relates to how females could wear male clothing, but males somehow can't wear feminine fashion if a male chooses to do so.

I've seen in pictures and in blog posts about girls looking boyish or even wearing menswear clothing. Many females can pull off such looks. However, a male who wants to wear feminine fashions is somehow unable or disallowed by others. Many average males would think of such males as gay or as crossdressers just because they are wearing feminine clothes. So if males wearing feminine fashions are gays/crossdressers to some, how come no one (or a certain few) refers to females wearing masculine clothes as lesbians/crossdressers? Males who are in favor of wearing feminine clothes would feel strongly opposed on how much more freely females can wear masculine clothing as opposed to males wearing feminine clothes.

I have said all along that fashion is a form of art. As a form of art, one should be able to express himself/herself however he/she chooses- including fashion. That even includes males who want to dress in a feminine way. Think of Jonathan Escobar from earlier in this blog post. It is okay to be disgusted or feel uneasy about a male wearing feminine fashions. However, you have to appreciate such males being able to pull off certain looks and proudly wear them, even if at the expense of looking awkward.

The next section will make the case that males should be able to wear feminine or feminine-inspired pieces about as easily as any girl could easily wear.





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--- Fashion Freedom: Males in Feminine Fashions ---

This is not necessarily about fashion freedom, but more along the lines of males who have no problem wearing feminine fashions and posting about their looks. The most important thing to remember is that these are males who wear feminine fashions and do not wish to have any sort of transgender surgery to permanently become the opposite sex. You are invited to visit their blogs and see these males showcase their style in feminine fashions.

Click on the hyperlinked headings to visit their respective blogs or sites.

The Art of Avant Garde.

As one of the most unique fellows you'll ever come across, Eli is an androgynous fellow who proudly puts together some lovely outfits. His beauty and charm shows that males can greatly wear feminine fashions if a male so choose to do so and can pull such looks off. His sense of style has as much appeal to fashion as Lady Gaga to music and art. So visit "The Art of Avant Garde" and check out Eli's style.

FASHIONpaak.

Paak Chan is a male from Hong Kong who has no problem wearing skirts, heels, or platforms. His style is unique as you see him sport a number of styles. Now, Paak is not androgynous or anything. He just shows that certain feminine fashions can look great even on males.

high heels for men.

This blog is run by a woman showcasing males wearing high-heel shoes. They can range from average males to androgynous males. The males featured range from wearing masculine fashions to more feminine outfits. So you get a little of everything here. Most importantly, though, there are NO transgendered folk to speak of. All of the males featured are all males wearing high heel shoes.

Hottest Heels - Heels Are Hot! Anything Else Is Not!.

This young blogger from New York City commonly posts on celebrities wearing high heel shoes. Sometimes, this fellow even showcases himself wearing high heels. This person very much shows that if a guy wants to sport some high heels, he should be able to do so and be confident wearing them. Even if pictures of him in high heels don't tickle your fancy, at least visit to see various celebrities wearing high heels.

Androgyn.beauty's Blog (Wordpress).

This is a Wordpress blog of an androgynous male beauty from Spain. He posts a variety of different posts where he mostly shows you his fashion style. This fellow has androgynous beauty with such smooth legs. Fashion items he wears are mostly casual and mostly chic. There are also skirts and dresses he may wear, as well as a handful of feminine shoes. His blog and his beauty will impress a lot of you. One last thing (and maybe a word of warning)... I would be disgusting most of my reading audience if I mentioned this, but he even has a few pictures of himself wearing lingerie. His looks and charm are surprisingly so lovely that he looks very passable even in lingerie.

Fashion Freedom for Men (Wordpress).

This blog highlights on fashion freedom for men. It showcases a level of style when males wear feminine clothing. It also features various fashion insights. If you are someone who feels strongly that males should be able to wear feminine fashion if they so choose, this site is for you.


I won't go crazy on videos, but I will show one video of a male wearing feminine fashions. Let this be some inspiration for you males to wear feminine fashions if you feel fashionable and confident enough.

Before I show you this video, I would NOT recommend you wear this in this situation. Anyhow, Gregory GORGEOUS shares with you this outfit. Any sexy girl would look hot in this outfit, but leave it to the Canadian to wear with outfit proudly:



Note the painted fingernails. Remember- this is a GUY wearing this outfit. Almost any female confident enough to wear such an outfit would have no problem wearing it. However, this fellow proudly wore this outfit.


If there are any other male fashion blogs or videos relevant to this topic, I will feature them in future edits.

--- Final Thoughts ---

This Final Thoughts section is a two-part deal. I will provide some lasting thoughts as well as what I would wear if I were to try feminine fashions for my own frame.

Final Thoughts on this Topic.

I have expressed this topic from a journalistic standpoint throughout this post. When you really think about it, those who feel strongly in favor of fashion freedom feel that males should have as much versatility and freedom in fashion as females do.

I know there are social stereotypes on any thought regarding fashionable males. You know, almost as if males should only dress up in masculine fashions and only masculine fashions. Society would mostly draw cruel stares at males who constantly are image conscious and take great care of themselves much like a lot of females. There is nothing wrong with a male who wants to look his absolute best, even to being real high maintenance with his looks. However, there are males who would think that if females can wear masculine fashions without penalty or complications (for those females who can comfortably and confidently wear masculine fashions), how come males can't wear feminine fashions if they so choose? This double standard in fashion has some fashionable males feeling disappointed.

This is more about fashion versatility and comfort than addressing any gender stereotypes or homophobic fears.

Would I Try Any Feminine Fashions?

A few times thinking about topics like this, I often imagine what it would be like if it were me sporting some of these fashions. Going out and about, I'd lack the confidence to go with anything really feminine if I were to try any looks mentioned here. You have to be confident in what you wear, even if you appear to look mostly awkward to many people.

The challenge for men trying feminine shoes is in finding a pair of shoes that will fit. One rule of thumb is that for males wearing feminine heels, your feminine shoe size should be added by two. I could fit in a 10.5 D(M) US shoe or even a 11 D(M) US size shoe. So for women's shoes, they'd have to be either 12.5 B(M) US or 13 B(M) US. So here's a little reference:

• Male seeking female shoes = your women's size is two (US) sizes up.
• Female seeking male shoes = your men's size is two (US) sizes down.

So if I was crazy about getting feminine shoes, you shoe retailers better have some lovely shoes in a men's size 10.5 or 11! :D What I just mentioned is just a general rule of thumb. The only way to really know if a pair of shoes fit you best is by actually going out and wearing these shoes for yourself.

What I'd go with has to be completely casual. That's why I'd be okay with something like a long denim jean skirt and maybe some mary jane wedges. I haven't really thought of what kind of feminine top I'd try on. Then too, I doubt I'd look great wearing any sort of feminine top or dress for a frame like mine. So I'll just stick to bottoms and shoes here. I rarely wear sandals outside of the house, so I am not sure if I'd actually want to wear feminine sandals or any open-toe/peep-toe shoes. I wouldn't try slingbacks unless wearing any bottoms that extend above the ankles. Trying some VERY feminine shoes takes MUCH more confidence than wearing something like ballet flats or flat gladiator sandals.


And those are your Final Thoughts from me, including a "What If?" if I was trying these looks myself.





Some of the topics mentioned in this blog post may resurface as separate discussions. I posted this entry to set off a potential series of individual blog posts from this topic. So make sure you're subscribed to "John's Blog Space" to keep up with the latest material of mine.

How do you feel about the concept of fashion freedom? You are welcome to share your thoughts here. Thanks for reading!

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